These Are Not Your Games of the Year

I don't know what games will be topping people's Game of the Year Lists in 2008, but here are some that shouldn't.

Grand Theft Auto IV Never before has such a fantastic game been rendered so annoying by a single feature. Liberty City looks beautiful, the missions are (mostly) fun and the story actually isn't bad at all. At first, it isn't even too obtrusive when Niko's irritating friends start calling. But then they keep calling...and calling...and calling. And then they call some more. Aside from Niko himself, every character in the game is a sad puppy, constantly in need of attention and a trip outside. Sure, you can turn Niko's phone off, but then you get to watch a constant stream of "thumbs down" icons popping up in the corner of the screen as friend after pathetic friend pouts about being ignored. And heaven help you if you do turn your phone back on, to receive a string of passive aggressive tirades. "Hey, Niko. I guess you've forgotten all about me. You probably never liked me anyway, you worthless asshole. I'm just gonna go kill myself now. Anyway, wanna go bowling?"

Braid Somewhere, some pretentious idiot is going to put this XBLA platformer on top of his game of the year list, and I'm going to want to smack him. Yes, Braid is smart, pretty and even a little bit touching. But anyone who would say it's game of the year is probably waiting with bated breath for the next Bright Eyes album, hoping his new shipment of Threadless t-shirts arrives soon, and blogging about how awesome dinosaurs are.

Bioshock I thought Bioshock was the best game of 2007, but just because they waited a year to release it on the PS3 doesn't mean it deserves to monopolize Game of the Year lists all over again. Would you kindly pick something new this year?

Mirror's Edge Again, most people probably wouldn't consider this, but it's just innovative enough that some people will. Those people probably stopped playing around the sixth level, while the game was still fun. Unfortunately, the last couple of levels are sculpted from pure evil, a mistake which will hopefully be rectified when EA releases the inevitable sequel (assuming they haven't shut down all of their studios by then).

Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts I don't think anyone loves Nuts and Bolts quite as much as the guys at Giant Bomb, but if they do, they need to undergo electroshock therapy. This might be the worst game I've played in 2008. The driving controls are just so-so, the characters are thoroughly unlikable, each mission is more annoying than the last, and the whole game is built around the same concept that worked so well when it was in Kingdom Hearts and they called it the Gummi Ship. Not surprisingly, it's even less fun when it's made into a full-length game.

Rock Band 2 While they seriously improved the instruments this time around, that positive is overshadowed by a terrible track list and bland, overly gamey charts. When I play Rock Band or Guitar Hero, I want to feel like I'm really playing an instrument, not having random, meaningless notes thrown at me because someone doesn't realize that "harder" is not necessarily the same as "more fun". If you want your music game to be more challenging, include songs by more technically proficient bands. God knows they would be better 95% of the music on this disc.